Monday, July 25, 2005


i've been in a rut. granted i'm in and out of ruts constantly, but creatively i've been as dry as the sahara for the past few months. what a bummer...luckily i got to see an amazing show that totally piqued my interest in music again and got my juices flowing. it's funny how, as an artist, sometimes all i need is one little nudge in the right direction and everything seems to make more sense. esthero started off her musical career doing triphop vocals, and i loved her first album "breath from another". when i listened to some examples of her new style, her first album after a 7 year hiatus, i was not impressed with this new pop princess esthero. what happened to the edgy electronica-laden music that i fell in love with in college? well, that girl definitely impressed me and made me realize what is going on in her head. she danced around like a maniac and her band (including three horns, guitar, keys, drums, and two back-up vocalists) was right up my alley. there was a lot of new orleans-jazz inspired arrangements and the pop stuff was made more interesting with rich harmonies and horn solos. sometimes all it takes is some music that seems to be made from the same ingredients as the music in your head to make you realize what direction you need to go in.

i'm seeing her again on wednesday night at pearl street in northampton. alone. ok, i may be a little obsessed right now, but i need to take all the musical inspiration i can get right now.

also, i'm back in ct. it's like i can exhale dog, my lake, my plants, my car, my piano, and some alone time. yessssssss.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

pissing contest

i realized last night that i have this need to always one up people when they talk about things i've been through. it's annoying. specifically, conversations involving scars, car accidents, british people, and houses burning down rate high on my pissing contest list. however, i think i am learning to curb this obnoxious behavior and last night i proved to myself that i can actually hear someone mention a minor car accident and their lack of injuries and not say "well i was in a bad car accident once and i broke all the bones in both my legs and i lost a limb and i died a couple times!!! beat that sucka!!!!!". i suppose saying that to someone who i just met and is a work acquaintance of my boyfriend would be wholly inappropriate and it's possible that i am just learning to be a more mature adult.

speaking of mature adults, i used the phrase "when i grow up" yesterday without any irony whatsoever. sigh.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

what should i do tonight? ozomatli or the roots. i like them both.

i'm watching crapfest tv, as in WE, lifetime, and TLC. it is my guilty pleasure. not my guiltiest pleasure, but pretty high up there.

my living situation is pretty much draining me of any positive energy that i once had. i could possibly kill someone before the end of the summer.

i am going to hawaii in a few weeks and i'm not excited about it, which apparently means i'm a blasphemous cuntrag.

i could subsist entirely on grape tomatos, cheese, and olives. white wine will wash it down.

i think i have found the secret to getting younger instead of older: dancing around like a lunatic, making funny faces/voices, cocaine, and sex. i've gotten carded every time i've tried to buy alcohol and about half the times i've bought cigarettes this summer and that has never really happened to me, so try my recipe and gain eternal youth!!!

Saturday, July 09, 2005

all weekends should be like this

last weekend renewed my faith in all that is good and right with the world. i drove across the eastern seaboard and drove myself crazy doing it, but i got to see good people and do fun things and that is what i like most in the whole world.

thursday night (june 30th) i trekked it back up to hartford so that i could get my poor little subaru out of the shop on friday in time to do all my various fun things. i got to the shop and my car was only half fixed. apparently my mother told the guy to only fix the things listed on the insurance claim, which although was substantial, did not cover all the bodywork damage that had been accumulating over the years due to renegade bike messengers and crazy homeless people. (i seem to attract a lot of crazy people to do damage to my poor car...nothing surprises me anymore.) so i took the better but still not dent-free car out of the shop and decided on a whim to drive back to new york on saturday in order to hear the premier of my new track with datcyde at direct drive. he and i had been working on it for a while and i hadn't gotten to hear the finished version yet, so i really needed to be there when it was played on the rothko speakers for tons of people. i drove down without fanfare, scooped up my katy, stopped at jamin's studio to grab dave, and headed in to the city. all i can say about that night was that it was absolutely fantastic. so many people were there, and everyone kept coming up to me saying "did he play it yet????". i love positive reinforcement, and i especially love my friends. they called me up onstage and i got to dance and lipsynch and i was in heaven. (i found out later that after i left my friend jenny fell down the stairs and broke her foot in two places, so i guess that kind of put a damper on the night, but i'm a selfish bitch and i wasn't there when it happened. as far as i'm concerned it's all gravy.)

saturday i woke up and got on my way to boston, picking up kat on the way out of brooklyn. kat is one of those friends i had in college who i don't talk to on a very regular basis, but who lives in my neighborhood and every time we hang out we say "god why don't we hang out more?!?!". this time we really are going to, we promised. she and i got up to south salem to pick up our mutual best friend cassie and finally got on the way to boston. long drives are so so so much better when you have three chatty cathy's in a car, i tell you what. we did stop about three times (to see my dog...get some latte' know, the important things), but we finally made it up to lynn, massachussetts (right outside of boston) where our darling kendra was having her housewarming/engagement party. they freaking bought a house. and now they're getting married. i'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen, but we are officially getting old. the house is gorgeous and there was lots of sangria, wine, beer, and burgers and tons of weird people i didn't know. but in the middle of it all was our little core group of friends that manages to find each other about twice a year, get drunk, reminisce about college, and pass out. fantastic!

lynn is right on the beach, so we walked a few blocks and got to the sand to see the fireworks. mind you by this time we were all completely tanked. as in frightening small children. ah yes, it seems that every one of my groups of friends are "those people", you know, the ones that have a big circle of latitude around them in public because all the normals are scared. i wouldn't have it any other way. here's an example of what i mean:

now i know that this picture basically makes it look like I'M the only crazy one, but i swear it's not true. man, was i excited. fireworks are fun on the beach. the only major issue was that i had to pee desperately and by the time they ended, i was about to go in my pants. there were hundreds of people everywhere and no private bushes to pop a squat on, so i was fucked until we got back to kendra's house. now, as many of you may know, when i drink white wine i tend to get a so i ran back to the house with pal rachel and i kept calling ahead to make the kids in front slow down, but it was every man for himself at that point. we got back to the house as fast as we can, and the bathrooms were all being used. my reaction? to burst into tears. oh lord. in my drunken state i somehow thought that they all knew how badly i had to go and were using the bathrooms first to spite me, which is the most ridiculous thing ever. i mean, i really seriously started crying about it. probably one of my most pathetic moments ever...i ended up calling dave and katy in that state and katy says "well did you pee your pants or what?" and i apparently said "only a little" and she bursts out laughing and declares me fine, ready to keep partying. thank god for kaboom when you need reassurance that a little pee is better than a lot of pee. ugh.

the rest of the night is a blur of pictionary and more crying, apparently about exboyfriends being mean and dismissive and some guy i just met having to go fight in iraq (don't ask, i can't account for my drunken overemotional responses), but all in all it was a really wonderful time that ended much too quickly.

july fourth itself is pretty much a blur of a huge rooftop, steak, norah jones, drug deals gone wrong, and wiz peeing in a cup. i just love love love my friends. why can't every weekend be like that one????

Saturday, July 02, 2005


ok so i haven't been posting in about a month. i guess it's mostly because i've been relatively miserable and although there have been many wild reckless moments of abandonment, i haven't been taking any pictures. and i know that people like pictures. so i guess i just haven't been inclined to write anything when in all honesty i haven't done anything in about a month. partying does not count.

i did have a fantastic show at southstreet seaport, which was everything i had hoped it would be and more. i met duke ellington's granddaughter who said i gave her chills and that her grandfather would be proud. definitely a top ten moment. let's see....i sent my demo to los angeles and apparently it's been making the rounds at the warner group but they're not sure how to categorize me, so who knows if anything will come of that. gabe, my pseudo-agent, is sending more to bmg/sony, arista, etc., but i think we'd have more success at blue note and verve. whatever, he's the one with the fancy corner office.

i think i've realized where a lot of my misery lies: brooklyn doesn't hold the same power over me that it used to. i used to walk around neighborhoods feeling like it was all ingrained in me, like i was finally home. now when i'm there i mostly miss my dog and my lake and my flowers. my orchids aren't thriving without me, they need my steamy showers to really look their best. i think the urban part of my life is pretty much over, i'm almost ready to buy a house with a yard and settle down. i can't believe i feel that way after once claiming i would live in brooklyn forever, but it just doesn't feel right anymore. new york is honestly a beautiful facade, but lately i keep seeing the rats crossing the subway platforms and the drunken polish guys asleep on the sidewalk before seeing the children running around mccarren park and gorgeous old brownstones that i used to imagine living in. it's just too dirty and there's too many people and i guess i'm not as hardcore as i used to be because i miss boring old connecticut. what are we going to do with you, ema walker, you old fogie. i need to stop listening to so much jazz, it's turning me into a wrinkly.

so there you have it. i'm going to hawaii in a few weeks, i'm sure my mood will greatly improve. if that doesn't do it, then somebody better send me to the looney bin.