Tuesday, October 07, 2008

so...i have a bunch of stories from connecticut and florida. but i have some things on my mind lately, so i'm going to talk about them instead.

lately i've been wondering about aging and growing up and acting your age. i don't know if this is actually valid, because i know a lot of 30-40 year olds (and older) who act like they're 12, and a few 20-30 year olds who act like they're 40. age doesn't seem to matter much when it comes to behaving nicely to the people around you. i've had a few experiences lately with some old friends and new coworkers that have really made me question these things.

i guess the main thing i'm noticing is that there is a certain breed of person who will live perpetually and continuously in high school. these people were usually "popular", and apparently being older in a world where most people truly don't give a fuck just doesn't sit right with them. they have to constantly put the people around them down, make them feel inadequate, string them along with false friendships and talk a lot of shit behind everyone (friend or foe)'s backs. it's bizarre. and counterproductive. and hurtful.

i am a lucky, lucky girl. i've been through a lot of bizarre and interesting and disturbing experiences, and i've come out the other end of it all with an amazing crew of people. many of them i've known for 10 years, some even more, and they are for the most part caring and accepting and able to see me for the crazy/silly/drunk/sometimes overly emotional person that i am without too much judgement. as i said, i'm a lucky, lucky girl. knowing this has made the decision to let other people, who have not been quite as supportive, go. it's hard to see people you've known forever, and who you thought were your dearest friends at some point, for who they truly are. but if i was able to give up a limb with relatively little fanfare, i figure giving up a few douchebags shouldn't be too hard.

i love my life. i have a fantastic job, an adorable apartment, the most precious little chocolate cake monkey on the planet, an incredibly loving family, and a group of friends who i love. i suppose this era of my life has been about coming full circle and making things right. and unfortunately making things right means leaving certain things behind, whether it be drugs, never missing a party, or sucky people. i'm ready for it. i hope you all are too.