sick sick sick

back in brooklyn and of course i take the first week back to party ridiculously hard and get myself a nice headcold. this blows. also, i somehow unknowingly ended up spending way too much time at dave's apartment which resulted in his roommate being a dick and me getting upset and now i don't want to go back there or talk to that kid for a long long time. it's funny how different people can be...personally, i try and treat my friends with respect. that's how they know that they are my friends: i don't make fun of them or bug them about their flaws, i try my best not to talk shit about them (not always successfull, mind you), and i make sure that they understand that i enjoy their company. this is how friendship works, in my mind. if i wanted to treat the people around me like shit, i would just hang out with losers and douchebags and revel in my crew of idiots. but i don't. i like giving back to my friends, i like letting them know that they mean something to me, and by doing this i am constantly validated in my friendships when they do the same for me. dave's roommate seems to have a great time treating his friends like shit (i think he considers it "tough love"): he picks at their weaknesses and half the time it's hard to tell whether he actually likes his supposed best friends or hates them. i refuse to be put in a position where i am constantly wondering whether someone likes me and how i can figure out a way to get them to treat me better. therefore, i'm going to try my hardest to have him in my life as little as possible. i am way too sensitive to be trying to prove myself to someone, especially after hanging out with them for over 9 months. it's too stressful for me.

that being said, some cool things have happened this week...i am getting more and more excited for my performance on the 15th. it should be exciting, apparently there will be some big names there and i might get some great feedback and/or opportunities. also, my friend howie, who has some great contacts at labels and runs a management company, is really interested in working with me and wants me to sing on one of his artists' upcoming album and hopefully meet with a guy from a jazz label, called hightone, that he knows pretty well. so musically i'm doing great.

i need to work out a better balance now that i'm settling in...what kind of job i want to get, how to space out my time with dave and my other friends, how to spend my time when i'm trying to find a job, how much partying i can actually do without killing myself. it's stressing me out. no wonder i'm sick.

bk baby

guess who's back in the hood...brooklyn must have missed me terribly. it's strange having a place to stay here, considering i've spent most weekends here for the past 9 months. now i have a room and a kitchen and bathroom and somewhere to take a nap if i need to.

no job, but that will hopefully change.

thank god for friends like andrew...the kid met me at target and carried a plastic set of drawers the size of my torso and a huge comforter all the way back to greenpoint with me. he is a freaking angel. i've been walking my ass off for the past few days and it feels really good. i thought i would have a hard time without the car, but honestly it feels really nice not to have to worry about it all the time.

monday night i christened my return to brooklyn by going out and getting tanked with my roommates and my old friend mike weinbaum, who's visiting from vietnam. the kid went over there to teach with his girlfriend (now ex) and ended up starting an import-export vespa company. he bought a house and is incorporated, after 15 months over there. fucking nuts. he's also completely insane, but i suppose that's typical of the people i know. anyway, he and sloppy and kiv and i went to the mugs for beer and burgers, then headed to the abbey, and finished off the night at the turkey's nest. fun fun times, if not fully remembered.

last night i got my favorite el salvadoran meal finally, and andrew and dave made great company. the half hour walk home was only mildly uncomfortable...gotta get used to this whole walking thing.

KILL THE STRESS MONKEY

well the last two weeks are finally over. can it really be??? my recital was FANTASTIC, i aced my theory exam, and somehow managed to end up on top of the game. friday night, after my performance, i took my nyc-friends to the spigot. i'm sure it's an experience they'll never forget...with all the tv's and drunk suburbanites, it was truly once-in-a-lifetime. saturday was the best tristate tour ever...we made it from ct through nyc to jersey for chris thomas' kentucky derby party. it was decent (i could've done without the spilled whiskey on my pants and the random beer can that hit me) and seeing kang rocking back and forth with a shiteating grin on his face, completely wasted, was enough entertainment for an entire night. joe wize was totally drunk and couldn't drive, so lucky wizzy got to drive joe's car all the way over the goethals and the verrazano back to brooklyn, where we stopped in at dave's apartment and watched a bronchitis-filled erick hack up half a lung until we finally got our asses over to direct drive. that party ruled. i got obliterated. i took lust-filled pictures with wiz and made a complete ass out of myself. can't wait till i move back for good next weekend...

busy busy bean

i'm so stressed. i can't write when i'm stressed. it just means more stress. i have a recital that is kicking my ass right now...who knew that one little event would be so much drama and work. my friends up here totally suck right now, my supposed best girl friend basically never did the stuff she was supposed to do for the recital and i decided to boot her from the show last minute. this sounds like a great "fuck you", but in reality it's shooting myself in the foot because now i'm strings-less. whatever. thank god for that angel boy who's cooking and driving and recording and basically carrying me through this whole thing.

we'll see how it goes...hopefully people will show up. and i won't stink up the place.