Tuesday, May 24, 2005

sick sick sick

back in brooklyn and of course i take the first week back to party ridiculously hard and get myself a nice headcold. this blows. also, i somehow unknowingly ended up spending way too much time at dave's apartment which resulted in his roommate being a dick and me getting upset and now i don't want to go back there or talk to that kid for a long long time. it's funny how different people can be...personally, i try and treat my friends with respect. that's how they know that they are my friends: i don't make fun of them or bug them about their flaws, i try my best not to talk shit about them (not always successfull, mind you), and i make sure that they understand that i enjoy their company. this is how friendship works, in my mind. if i wanted to treat the people around me like shit, i would just hang out with losers and douchebags and revel in my crew of idiots. but i don't. i like giving back to my friends, i like letting them know that they mean something to me, and by doing this i am constantly validated in my friendships when they do the same for me. dave's roommate seems to have a great time treating his friends like shit (i think he considers it "tough love"): he picks at their weaknesses and half the time it's hard to tell whether he actually likes his supposed best friends or hates them. i refuse to be put in a position where i am constantly wondering whether someone likes me and how i can figure out a way to get them to treat me better. therefore, i'm going to try my hardest to have him in my life as little as possible. i am way too sensitive to be trying to prove myself to someone, especially after hanging out with them for over 9 months. it's too stressful for me.

that being said, some cool things have happened this week...i am getting more and more excited for my performance on the 15th. it should be exciting, apparently there will be some big names there and i might get some great feedback and/or opportunities. also, my friend howie, who has some great contacts at labels and runs a management company, is really interested in working with me and wants me to sing on one of his artists' upcoming album and hopefully meet with a guy from a jazz label, called hightone, that he knows pretty well. so musically i'm doing great.

i need to work out a better balance now that i'm settling in...what kind of job i want to get, how to space out my time with dave and my other friends, how to spend my time when i'm trying to find a job, how much partying i can actually do without killing myself. it's stressing me out. no wonder i'm sick.

No comments: