Sunday, January 04, 2009

new year

so 2008 is over and looking back over the last 12 months it's kind of amazing to see how much has happened in one little one-legged life. i have many more stories to tell and will be telling them much more regularly now that i have a computer and fairly reliable wireless service at home, but one thing is for sure: through drug addiction, marriage, divorce, florida, old churches, jail, love, loss, and finally a hobbit hole of my very own and a job that keeps me in check every day, this year has been absolutely incredible. incredible can mean many things, not necessarily positive; it can mean just unbelievable and otherworldly and just too strange for words. and that is how my last 12 months have been. and i'm grateful because every single day i can see how where i've been and what i've seen has gotten me here.

resolutions are for suckers, but i will say that this year i would like to curb my drinking and find a relationship full of stability and kindness and intelligence that doesn't take away from who i am as a person. that last part is kind of wishful thinking, i've been happy being single for the first time in basically 8 years, but if i am going to get involved with someone i want it to be like that. mostly the curbing of the drinking though. i kicked coke all on my own, a little help but mostly just isolation and purposeful lack of access. kicking alcohol doesn't seem likely right now, but not leaving my shit all over town like a drunken vagabond would probably be a good thing. this holiday season has left me broken in many ways and i'm ready to put the pieces back together, pick myself up by my little bootstrap (ha) and move on. no more dislocated knees or lost iphones or left credit cards. for a while at least. i feel like i've let some people down by my actions and as i slowly drift into a life that makes sense i think it's time to stop being such a selfish drunken prick. this is entirely possible and i can feel myself getting there day by day. it's a nice feeling.