Saturday, July 02, 2005


ok so i haven't been posting in about a month. i guess it's mostly because i've been relatively miserable and although there have been many wild reckless moments of abandonment, i haven't been taking any pictures. and i know that people like pictures. so i guess i just haven't been inclined to write anything when in all honesty i haven't done anything in about a month. partying does not count.

i did have a fantastic show at southstreet seaport, which was everything i had hoped it would be and more. i met duke ellington's granddaughter who said i gave her chills and that her grandfather would be proud. definitely a top ten moment. let's see....i sent my demo to los angeles and apparently it's been making the rounds at the warner group but they're not sure how to categorize me, so who knows if anything will come of that. gabe, my pseudo-agent, is sending more to bmg/sony, arista, etc., but i think we'd have more success at blue note and verve. whatever, he's the one with the fancy corner office.

i think i've realized where a lot of my misery lies: brooklyn doesn't hold the same power over me that it used to. i used to walk around neighborhoods feeling like it was all ingrained in me, like i was finally home. now when i'm there i mostly miss my dog and my lake and my flowers. my orchids aren't thriving without me, they need my steamy showers to really look their best. i think the urban part of my life is pretty much over, i'm almost ready to buy a house with a yard and settle down. i can't believe i feel that way after once claiming i would live in brooklyn forever, but it just doesn't feel right anymore. new york is honestly a beautiful facade, but lately i keep seeing the rats crossing the subway platforms and the drunken polish guys asleep on the sidewalk before seeing the children running around mccarren park and gorgeous old brownstones that i used to imagine living in. it's just too dirty and there's too many people and i guess i'm not as hardcore as i used to be because i miss boring old connecticut. what are we going to do with you, ema walker, you old fogie. i need to stop listening to so much jazz, it's turning me into a wrinkly.

so there you have it. i'm going to hawaii in a few weeks, i'm sure my mood will greatly improve. if that doesn't do it, then somebody better send me to the looney bin.

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