me and robert on the case

i love unsolved mysteries. i watch it every chance i can, which is pretty often because it's on twice a day, five days a week on lifetime. me and robert stack have an understanding: he gives me scary people to look for on the street and i look at people on the street and make sure that they aren't the people that are going around creating mysteries yet to be solved. sometimes it's kind of hard to do because most of the shows are from 1988-1996, and then you have to factor in the aging process or changing hair and clothing styles. sometimes i see a dude with a mustache walking hurriedly and sketchily through williamsburg and i try to imagine him with a mullet, muttonchops, or big aviator sunglasses. a couple times i've come close to calling the unsolved mysteries tipline, but i don't think it would be fair to ruin some sad sketchy dude's life based on a ten year old episode of unsolved mysteries. well that and the fact that the tipline doesn't exist anymore. come to think of it, robert stack doesn't exist anymore. but i still do love unsolved mysteries, especially the UPDATES and weird southern family reunions. i don't like the alien abduction episodes though, those are just bullshit.