Wednesday, September 10, 2008

north carolina

dear world,

after bonnaroo, which was wild and spectacular and dirty and hot, FH and his two friends and i headed back north. we stopped in ashville, north carolina at one of the friends' house and decided to take copious amounts of acid and drink ourselves into a stupor. things that happened: one boy attempted skateboarding down a 45 degree driveway with speedbumps and broke his arm, FH and i got kicked out of a movie theater/beer garden for being too loud and waving my leg in the air, someone ripped the cord out of the faceplate of my sirius satellite radio and we were left without decent music for the rest of the drive home, and we were eventually kicked out of the house by friend's roommates. deservedly.

we moved on to the next thing, which was visiting FH's friend Big Baldy in Charlotte. we arrived at the bar where he works, which was literally a double-wide trailer off the side of the highway, and quickly got to work on drinking heavily. FH and i were fine, but friend (who from now on we'll call Mr. Peanuts) was so heavily intoxicated and broken from his prior fall off the skateboard, that he stumbled into the bar, went into the bathroom and didn't come out. for a looooong time. we got worried so we knocked on the door, which swung open to MP sitting on the john with his pants around his ankles attempting to snort a big pile of coke off of his bare-ass thighs while eating a handful of peanuts. let's just say that even the people in the double-wide trailer were not amused, and he was sent back to the car for the rest of the evening. the rest of us drank and drank until it was time to go crash, at which point we all went to a BB's friend's house down the road to drink some more and talk about life. now, let me explain something about BB. he's a huge (and i mean HUGE) bald guy with a long red beard and a monster tattoo across his massive stomach that i didn't get a detailed look at, but i'm pretty sure has something to do with the confederate flag and some other slightly racist southern shit. i quickly realized that he was probably a clansman, but at this point i was in charlotte north carolina with a dirty little man i was supposedly about to marry and i hadn't had a sober minute in years, so i just decided to go with it. i learned later on that he was to be our minister. no fucking joke. so we chilled at BB's friend's house and they decided to take more acid. always a fun thing to do at 1 am with people you just met. i suppose it's a testament to my ability to always have fun no matter where i am or who i'm with, but i actually had a pretty rad time that evening. was going to be BB's birthday and we were going to get married, so what else do people do in the south on occasions such as this but have a bonfire in a trailer park?!? of course!!! the wedding took place in a huge field under a little canopy next to a bonfire. i knew exactly four people there at the beginning of the the end i had about thirty new friends and had burned my exboyfriends sneakers in the fire. there were babies and dogs and lots and lots of wifebeaters. (i mean the shirts, but i suppose there might have been an actual real live one or two there as well, considering the situation.) instead of flowers i held a can of bud light, and our vows consisted of promises to blow each other on a regular basis. it was all very classy.

all i remember after that is waking up hearing that Mr. Peanuts had slept on the couch and peed all over it. we loaded up the car and headed north pretty quickly after that.


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