austin in a nutshell

four days is too short for a proper vacation. here's a few highlights: ISLANDS is my new absolutely favorite band, barbecue and mexican food are SO much better in texas than anywhere else, my brother is adorable, having an orange car is awesome because you never lose it in a big parking lot, lonestar beer is the best $2 beer i've had in a long time, and indie rockers look funny.

that just about sums it up. here's some visuals.

off on the left foot

it's thundering and lightning right now. my favorite kind of weather and we haven't had a really good thunderstorm in months. after this past week of nonsense and bad luck, a good thunderstorm might be just what i need to send me off to texas tomorrow, maybe just what everyone needs to cleanse their brown shitty auras and start the spring off on the right foot. i don't know what happened to the universe last week, but all i know is that most people i know had a crapfest of bad luck and bad experiences, ranging from getting fired to having things stolen to the unfortunate breaking of front teeth, not to mention having the photo of said broken teeth spread around the interweb in a matter of minutes. last week was a culmination of all the bad things we've done coming back to bite us in the ass. last week was the proverbial "shit hitting the fan". and last week made a lot of people cry, so i'm very glad it's over because it's not fun to watch people turn into their five-year-old selves, heads flung back, mouths wide open, drool and tears and snot becoming one nasty gelatinous mixture. i like it when people are happy...funny how watching someone laugh that hard with their head flung back, mouth wide open, and the brutal look of a person desperately attempting to hold in their bodily fluids is so much more attractive.

i do have to say that if someone is going to steal my shit, then being bold enough to go into my car in my driveway directly in front of my house in the middle of the night is pretty damn brazen. i almost admire the fucking bastard that did it. but i'd still kick him in the balls if i saw him on the street, i mean fair is fair.

who would've thought?

i thought only old people or out of shape people got acid reflux disease, but apparently so do alcohol-guzzling jazz-singing little maniacs like me. so now that i finally got to go in to see the otolaryngologist and have a scope done, it has been revealed that not only do i have a very severe case of acid reflux that has dulled my esophogal nerves, i also have a cyst on my left vocal chord and severe swelling that is making it very difficult to get any good sound out of my throat. at least i know that i'm not crazy, which the nurse practitioner implied a few times while handing me a bottle of nasonex. i am now officially on voice rest until the summer, although i can do my recital if i don't go nuts belting while rehearsing, and i have to see a speech pathologist to make sure i'm using my voice in a way that works with my old person disease. basically i'm shit out of luck. isn't that always the way. *cry*

me and robert on the case

i love unsolved mysteries. i watch it every chance i can, which is pretty often because it's on twice a day, five days a week on lifetime. me and robert stack have an understanding: he gives me scary people to look for on the street and i look at people on the street and make sure that they aren't the people that are going around creating mysteries yet to be solved. sometimes it's kind of hard to do because most of the shows are from 1988-1996, and then you have to factor in the aging process or changing hair and clothing styles. sometimes i see a dude with a mustache walking hurriedly and sketchily through williamsburg and i try to imagine him with a mullet, muttonchops, or big aviator sunglasses. a couple times i've come close to calling the unsolved mysteries tipline, but i don't think it would be fair to ruin some sad sketchy dude's life based on a ten year old episode of unsolved mysteries. well that and the fact that the tipline doesn't exist anymore. come to think of it, robert stack doesn't exist anymore. but i still do love unsolved mysteries, especially the UPDATES and weird southern family reunions. i don't like the alien abduction episodes though, those are just bullshit.

we be crazy

i love this picture. it perfectly demonstrates us. at direct drive. drunk. oh joy!

ode to macaroni and cheese

dearest love,
how can i ignore the way you
spiral and elbow your way into my heart,
your crumbling exterior falling away
to reveal your soft sweetness.
i adore you in all your many forms,
for your amiable ways,
for taking my gray days
and filling them with your golden goodness
and for never asking questions when i demand your comfort
even when i am too selfish to even ask you
how your day has been.
i'm a taker
you're a giver
and finally i have found the perfect symbiotic relationship.

HAPPY VD

oh and happy valentine's day from me and little mega!!!!!



and here...it's been said that i remind certain people of sam in garden state. i think it's because i, too, should be wearing a helmet most of the time.

birthdays and blizzards

it's good to take a break sometimes. when you have an extreme personality (i prefer the word "extreme" to "crazy", OK???), it sometimes becomes necessary to take some time off from the outside world and just lay down for a while. in my case "a while" means 5-6 weeks. i decided to zone out and watch an abnormally large amount of television and listen to music and hang out with my dog while i waited for the craziest semester of my life to begin.

so here we are. and along with a solid 30 credits and the seemingly unattainable goal of being 200,000,000 times better at music by the end of the semester than i am right now, i have also made an attempt to rejoin the world of the living. i guess realizing that after this year i won't have the opportunity to sit in a classroom with world-renowned jazz musicians and sponge off of their talent has made me...well...scared shitless. therefore, i'm transcribing my ass off, arranging tunes for my recital, and basically going music crazy. it's taken three years, but how nice to know that now, in my final semester, i'm finally taking advantage of my fancy learnin'. i started planning my senior recital, which promises to be the biggest most unbelievable event of the year, due mostly to the fact that it has taken me 8 fucking years to get my bachelor's degree and i'm ready to celebrate the fact that i'm moving out of my parents' house.

in addition to the dusting off of my cerebellum, i have also dusted off my dancing shoes and actually made it back to the city for the first time since new year's. it's good to go away for a while because then people actually get a chance to miss you and are happy to see you when you get back. and i, of course, love to make a dramatic entrance. thanks to michelle for having a birthday, because it was a night filled with cake, electro, and love all around. and i have an announcement to make: after 10 years of being a professional debaucherer, i have finally learned the true meaning of the word MODERATION!!!!!! yes, yes, i know, congratulations are due. it's been a long hard road, but i think i can see less blackouts in my future. i'm by no means saying that i'm not going to blackout occasionally, but i think i'll try and space them out a little more. baby steps, people.

so in addition to a fabulous night at fat baby, my weekend also included shooting a video for datcyde's cd/dvd (which will include three songs i'm featured on) and a goddamned blizzard. if you didn't know, the northeast corner of the good ol' U. S. of A. was hit so hard by two and a half feet of snow that dave had to spend about a half hour digging out my car and the inhabitants of 246 driggs decided to spend 36 hours doing what all brilliant-minded new yorkers should do in a blizzard: eating, smoking weed, drinking beer, watching the olympics, and bidding on ebay auctions. it's the simple things in life, you know.

i'm on fire

my best boys

69 things to know about me

this is a typical self-centered survey where i answer a bunch of stupid questions that really don't sum up me or my personality or who i am in any way. the only thing that's redeemable about posting something as stupid as this is the fact that i didn't do it on myspace. so here it is: 69 facts about me that you never knew or wanted to know. happy reading.

1. What time did you get up this morning?
8:18. i have class at 10:30 so i've been getting up early lately.

2. Diamonds or pearls?
um, seriously? how about opal and moonstone.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
the family stone. it was awful and i totally dragged dave there to see it which i am still apologizing for.

4. What is your favorite TV show?
LOST, law and order in any of its various forms, and "medical mystery" on discovery health. don't ask.

5. What did you have for breakfast?
a big mug of lyon's british blend tea.

6. What is your middle name?
haven't got one.

7. What is your favorite food?
artichoke hearts, avocado, cheese (almost every kind except the really smelly ones), and (proving that i actually have the mental age of a five year old) tater tots and macaroni and cheese.

8. What foods do you dislike?
any part of an animal that is recognizable (feet, tongue, ears, etc.) and my biggest problem of all time is when fruit touches any other food group. ick.

9. Your favorite Potato chip?
cape cod. they are just so crunchy.

10. What is your favorite CD at the moment?
i'm still very into death cab for cutie's newest disc "plans", even though it came out a million years ago.

11. What kind of car do you drive?
a forest green subaru forester.

14 Favorite drink?
wine (pinot, savignon, or shiraz) and tea (green or black).

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would it be?
southeast asia.

16.What color is your bathroom?
white and dark green.

17. Favorite brand of clothing?
james perse, ella moss, paper denim and cloth, anything vintage and bright and strange.

18.Where would you retire?
hawaii. definitely.

19 Favorite time of day?
sunset.

21. Favorite sport to watch?
i think sports are boring to watch. but i'll watch the red sox any day.

22. Who do you least expect to send this back?
not really applicable.

23. Person you expect to send it back first?
see #22

24. What laundry detergent do you use?
purex. i'm not very particular, whatever smells good and works.

25. Coke or Pepsi?
diet coke.

26. Are you a morning person or night owl?
i say i'm an unwaivering night owl but in reality i'm a morning person.

27. What size shoe do you wear?
6.5-7

28. Do you have pets?
cammy and woodstock...and my future puppy django.

29. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with your friends?
unfortunately not. i don't get exciting news very often, i'm afraid.

30. What (who) did you want to be when you were little?
a superstar. wow how things change. ha.

31. Favorite Candy Bar?
don't like candy.

33. What are the different jobs you have had in your life?
retail sales associate, school bookstore worker, delivery driver, drug dealer, bartender, barista, cocktail waitress, working musician.

34. Favorite season?
spring.

35. Nicknames you've had?
emmie, ewalk.

36. Piercings:
four in one ear, three in the other, two nose, one bellybutton, two nipples. it seems a lot more drastic than it is, i swear.

37. Eye color:
very brown.

38. Ever been to Africa?
nope.

39. Ever been toilet papering?
nope.

40. Love someone so much it made you cry?
if by that you mean you loved someone who was such a douchebag that they made you cry, then yes.

41. Been in a car accident?
oh hell yes.

42. What's a question no one has ever asked you?
why aren't you a supermodel??? (ha)

43. Favorite day of the week?
friday.

44. Favorite restaurant?
max's oyster bar or azul in hartford, bahia or blue ribbon in brooklyn.

45. Favorite flower?
orchids.

46. Favorite ice cream?
don't like ice cream.

47. Disney or Warner Brothers?
neither.

48. Favorite fast food restaurant?
taco bell, but only in the most DIRE of circumstances will i eat any fast food.

49. What color is your bedroom carpet?
cream.

50. How many times did you fail your driver's test?
none.

51. Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail?
stevie d.

52. Which store would you choose to Max out your Credit Card?
oh man...there's so many. so so so many. anywhere that sells clothes or bags or belts or scarves or jewelry or bedding or stupid designer toys that i can't stop collecting.

53. What do you do most often when you are bored?
watch my best friend, television.

54. Bedtime:
this week it's been around 11. usually it's around 3.

56. Last person you went to dinner with?
miss kaboom, but i'm going to azul with davey in an hour and a half.

57. Ford or Chevy?
neither.

58. What are you listening to right now?
felicity on the boob tube. yes i watch felicity. no i don't need to be lectured about how sad that is, thanks.

59. What is your favorite color?
deep red/pink, baby blue.

60. Lake, Ocean or River?
ocean, by far.

61. How many tattoos do you have?
they're all blending together, it's hard to say. 7? 8? 22?

62. Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
the chicken? i'm not very bright, i don't waste my brainpower on such questions.

63. How many people are you sending this email to?
the whole wide interweb.

64. Favorite Cocktail?
i don't drink liquor so i'll trade it for a glass of wine, thanks.

65. Red or White wine?
white white white. i'm allergic to large quantities of sulfites.

66. Where would you go for a girls or boys weekend get-a-way?
the beach.

67. What do you want to be?
a real musician.

68. Republican or Democrat?
democrat, but i'm not exactly going to the convention any time soon.

69. Favorite Family Vacation?
st. maarten, our family's former yearly ritual.

ode to new york

dear new york,

thank you for all the good times. the shots of jaeger, the glasses of pinot, the amazing colombian dinners, the walks across bridges, the rooftop parties, the shop shop shopping, the long thoughtful subway rides, the amusing homeless people, the specialty gourmet stores, and most of all for my friends. my best things are gifts from you.

but i think we have to break up, oh new york. this year you and i had some rough times. those loooooooooong days/nights. the many blackouts. the parking tickets. i could go on, but why dwell on the negative? i think it's time to take some space. it's not you, it's me. i just don't have the stamina anymore. after our power weekend, i spent three days in bed. is that what you want for me, new york? unable to sing and grouchy and lazy and lonely? i didn't think so. i know you only want the best for me, and believe me, you don't need little ol' me to have a good time.

so maybe we can be friends again soon, new york. but not until you stop hanging out with people from new jersey.

xoxo
-e

overload

i have the same problem with every big fun holiday. i wait and wait all year long and then the day happens and suddenly i wake up and it's over. and i'm so so sad...no matter how old i get, the weeks after xmas just totally make me depressed. this year is no different, but i'm managing ok. taking a solid 48 hours to lay in bed, watch tv, and only use my leg(s) to get my sad smelly self to the bathroom or kitchen really helped. now i'm left fixing all the crap that should have been dealt with during that time, namely sending important applications for various music competitions that are almost overdue and dealing with the fact that my bank account is unbelievably overdrawn. this is on account of the fact that i actuallly bought people thoughtful presents this year for the first time ever. yes, you read that correctly. i've never claimed to be generous or selfless. on the contrary, i am extremely open about the fact that i'm a completely self-involved and egocentric little twit.

this year pretty much kicked big holiday ass in every way. there's a certain something that happens in families when all the kids are grown up but not so grown up that they're totally independent. they mostly live out of the house, but they're not married or have kids of their own. they have jobs or generate at least some of their own income, but they still get checks for their birthdays. this is a perfect moment in the suburban family, as i have learned. this is primarily because it is when the whole family finally throws caution to the wind and gets WASTED. oh yes, this xmas was all about alcohol here in west hartford, connecticut. granted, my parents are british and we have a certain love for the bottle that other families may not share, but there is something so sweet with looking around the holiday table, eating the ham and creamed broccoli and mincemeat pies, and realizing that every person there is just as loaded as you are. oh yes, how sweet it is. now you must realize that we are civilized people, so it's not like anyone was drooling or knocking over things or setting people's hair on fire by accident, but there was definitely a nice flow for about four days of "good morning" bloody mary's to lunchtime beers to evening champagne toasts to bottle after bottle after bottle of wine during and after supper. it doesn't get much better than that.

another reason that the holidays ruled over all holidays of all time is because i got to do a gig which involved singing in the basement of an entertainment lawyer's house while a born-again christian pianist i know played on an out-of-tune upright. all that can really be said about this particular situation is that we were by far the only white people in a house filled with 60-75 extremely fancy african americans, it was a DRY CHRISTMAS PARTY (which as we can see from the aforementioned testimonial, just won't do), and i had to compete with a 20 person gospel choir with a full band that played directly above us. why we were asked to play at the same time as the 20 person gospel choir (and let me tell you those jesus lovers were really really really loving jesus that night) is beyond me. the only people coming downstairs were the little kids who were stealing chicken wings from the not-yet-opened tinfoil containers and pouring themselves endless plastic cups of sprite. everyone else was praising jesus upstairs, and as soon as it was over and they came down to eat the chicken wings and french fries, our time was up. wow.

so, the holidays are almost over. all that's left is new year's...ugh. always such a pain in the ass. i mean, it's just one of those things that never lives up to anyone's expectations. ever. as long as i'm inebriated and with the ones i love, i could give a shit. if you are in new york and don't have plans, my dave and i will be seeing my darling kat in williamsburg, spitting on chris at pioneer bar, and finally djing at fat baby in the east village. (not me, dave. i don't do that crap.)

HAPPY HOLIDAYS MY LOVELY LOVELIES!!

ode to santa

dear santa,

it's been a while, but i think i might need your help this year. i'm not really asking for much. i mean, i know i'm not going to get the winning lottery ticket or the gas-guzzling mercedes g500 that i've been secretly salivating over for the past two years, or the puggle that i can't help but imagine poking his cute head out of my stocking. however. this year i am asking you for some serious help with some inner qualities that have been lacking within myself for quite some time: this year please bless me with some musical inspiration and a little perserverance. you see, santa, i'm one lazy motherfucker. things generally come easy to me and i just kind of let shit fall in my head or my lap and that's that. well, that's not going to be enough this coming year because i need to write some really good music and find my own style so that i can make a really good record. someone's giving me the opportunity to make a record for them and if i don't make some innovative interesting shit, i'm going to get fired. see what i'm saying? this is big. so, this year for christmas i am asking...no, BEGGING you to help me get my act together and write some mind-blowing, ass-shaking, head-bopping good music. not only that, but i'm asking you to help me take it to the next level and actually continue to work on stuff even if i think it sucks, even if i'm missing law and order, and even if there's a party going on that i just CAN'T miss. this will probably be the tallest order of all because i consider my ability to party even in the face of dire straits and extreme adversity one of my strongest assets.

if i don't accomplish this, i'm going to end up working at starbucks. not that there's anything wrong with that, but the green apron totally does not flatter my coloring.

thanks, santa. i'll leave you some jim beam and slim jims on christmas eve like a good girl.

xoxo
-e

ode to a freshman

dear freshman,

i know this has been the greatest thing to ever happen to you in your 18 years of life. I mean, being out here in college on your without your lame parents or any real adult supervision, meeting awesome new people who don't know what a loser you were in high school, drinking alcohol with less trouble than when you were 16 but still enjoying that adrenaline rush when you try and get into the bar with your brand spanking new fake i.d. that you got from the sketchy kid down the hall with all the fancy computer equipment that his rich parents bought him last christmas to encourage his interest in "graphic design", having a class schedule that allows you to sleep past 9 am for the first time ever, buying weed for the first time from the preppy lacrosse player across the quad that is green and fluffy and actually gets you high instead of having to deal with that brown hay-like crap you got from that weird 40 year old guy from your hometown who is still living in his parents' basement, and most of all i know it's exciting to feel like finally you are a GROWNUP.

HOWEVER. you are not a grownup. and screaming and jumping up and down every time you see your annoying little freshman friends in the hallway is one example why you are not anywhere close to being a grownup. getting drunk and puking all over the dorm after three beers is another example of why you are still not grown up in any way. i understand, i really do. i had that one nasty dreadlock when i was 19, and i am telling you now as a voice of exprience that it looks like ass and you'll totally regret it in a couple months or years or however long it takes you to stop listening to phish when it tries to eat up the rest of your hair and you have to cut it out and have patches of hair missing like a head trauma victim. yes you were the best guitar player/trumpet player/drummer/singer in your high school jazz band, but here you are nothing more than a mildly talented freshman.

so live free my young friend!!! but please stop screaming, puking, and acting like you know something. because you don't.

xoxo
-e

ode to a moron

dear shitty driver,

i know it's been snowing here in connecticut. i know that it hasn't snowed since march, and sometimes people can forget how slippery and wet and cold the snow can be. i know that haste makes waste and that running around like a lunatic in icy conditions isn't very bright. BUT. i also know that WE LIVE IN NEW ENGLAND. it snows here EVERY SINGLE YEAR. MULTIPLE TIMES. MUTLIPLE FEET. don't you remember??? don't you remember how last year you drove around at 5 mph on the highway three days after a snowfall and people honked at you??? don't you remember how you didn't use your turn signals and people honked at you??? don't you remember how you took so long to turn at the green light that by the time you were done the light was red again and PEOPLE HONKED AT YOU??? don't you remember that YOU HAVE A $50,000 SUV??? last time i checked, the only reason to own a hummer, expedition, or bronco in the suburbs is because of this very occurence...of course, i could be wrong. it's been known to happen.

PLEASE DO BETTER OR GO BACK TO DRIVER'S ED.

thanks for nothing, douchebag.

xoxo
-e

success is bittersweet

mercury is in retrograde and it seems that lately a lot of people have been having communication issues and misunderstandings. it sucks to feel wronged but it sucks even more to feel in the wrong...especially when there's no real question of who's big mouth or insensitive comments resulted in the issue to begin with. in the end it's just better to remember that these insignificant tiffs won't mean anything in another few months, or years, or decades...eventually all the wrongs on both sides will be forgotten and hopefully forgiven. hopefully.

however, when these things do happen, it's good to have other more important things to focus on. like the fact that i, the most unreliable disorganized schmuck on the planet, managed somehow to raise $1887 for my school last night with my benefit concert. don't ask me how, but for some reason it happened and i'm just going to trust the universe that it's not a mistake.

happy turkey day everyone. i'd especially like to extend a big "happy holidays!" to my family who are all in france without me this week. hope you have a fucking fantastic time without me. no really. fucking fantastic.

asking people for money bites the big one

music will slowly kill me

i'm overwhelmed with benefit concerts, demos, competitions, music festival applications, press kits, and photo shoots.

here's some new stuff i've done. i have another recording session on december 8th and my website will be up and running soon.


http://www.myspace.com/emawalker

http://www.meganjolly.com/archive/thumbnails.php3?cat=ESPERO%20II


i feel a meltdown on the horizon.

the state of things

i went to see wynton marsalis play last night at a katrina benefit. it's amazing how a hundreds of people who pay absolutely no attention to jazz music 99% of the time will turn out in full force for the "ambassador of jazz". i think they think it's like cool or something? i don't know. watching the classical majors lined up against the back wall shaking their little asses and snapping their fingers and yelling out for reasons unknown to themselves ("that 'riff' was so awesome!") was both amusing and nauseating. they think that we're inferior musicians all day long at school, calling us "jazzers" and haughtily sneering at our supposed inability to read music (completely untrue). well thanks, wynton, you holier than thou assface, for making me share space with lame bitches like that. you're a genius on the trumpet, but for those of us who play all day every day without a million dollar recording contract just because we love to, your fame is just a tad bit frustrating. i supposed i should be thanking you for bringing the music we love to the masses, but i find it a little difficult to be charitable. sorry.